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The Waters Deep

Life's about swimming to the top and dancing on the waves!

Month

July 2015

The food in the cupboard has changed

foodpainsGoodbye Wine.  Goodbye Processed Food.  Goodbye Gluten.  Goodbye Sugar.  Goodbye Caffeine.  Hellooooo Whole Foods.  Helloooooo REAL Foods.  By the way:  It’s ridiculously difficult to eat ‘whole’ and to be conscious about what I put into my body.  I feel like I’m in Kindergarten for Real Fooders.

Time Log July 4 2015:   I’m 20 days sober.   Not just from alcohol. I’ve been juicing and eating fresh oranges and salad greens and garbonzo beans. No coffee, soda, wine or fast food.  First Fourth of July I’ve celebrated in years without a bottle of something and a hotdog.  I had grapes (my salute to wine) veggies, cheese and brown rice crackers, hummus and veggies.  We swam at the nasty muddy reservoir and I was thankful for our country and not getting a leech on my leg…. or anywhere else for that matter.

 

 

Last night I dreamed…

 

Last night I dreamt that I was checking out the basement of my parent’s new house. It was a duplicate of the upstairs. I couldn’t understand why they needed two kitchens. I was opening up cupboards and found some great pottery I wanted to take home. One cupboard was full of nothing but gallons of oil for the commercial size deep fat fryer sitting next to the extra stove and sink. One cupboard had a pack of cigarettes and fishing lures. Then I was putting the baby down for a nap and realized that I smelled poop. I went to change her diaper but she wouldn’t lay still. There was poop everywhere but in her diaper. I was covered in it. I took all my poopy clothes off trying to get away from it but somehow it was still all over me. The baby was naked and covered in poop too. The bedroom door was open and I knew that I couldn’t get it all cleaned up and that everyone could see me, it was just a matter of time.

 

She died today

sunny

 

 My friends Mom, whom I’ve known literally my whole life.  She lived and now she’s gone and that’s how it works and it doesn’t make any sense to me.

She was the most open person I have ever known. Always spoke what was on her mind whether you liked it or not.  Had a strong moral compass and didn’t mind helping you with yours when you needed it.

I’m sure she offended a lot of people with her truth and yet on the day of her funeral that church was standing room only.  The procession was from one end of the town to the other.

When she started a sentence with, “SuzyQMagoo let me tell you something…”  I was either in trouble or someone else was.

She gave me as many spankings as my own Mother.

The week before she died she called to ask me about my relationship with my parents and before I could answer she said, “SuzyQMagoo, none of that other shit matters.  In the end none of it matters.  Call your Mother and make sure she knows you love her.”

And of course I did.

She was free in Life and now she’s free in Death.

Something we can all learn from.

 

Mother’s Day

KickinitMy Daughter and granddaughter showed up yesterday and surprised me for Mothers Day. Such an awesome gift. We went for a beautiful drive and hiked in to a little waterfall.

I realized something while hiking my 60 extra pounds up a path. I have been depressed.

Life and all the changes with my kids have caught up to me and I’ve holed myself up in my corner office behind my computer and a bazillion excel sheets and a box of wine.

I have not been Living.

Being outside, the fresh air and water, the physical exercise! What has kept me from doing this more?

I’ve never been more inspired to start focusing a little on what I want and living more in the moment for me.

Today, I will be finger painting, playing in the sprinkler and building sand castles.

When I grow up I want to be 3.

 

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