The Waters Deep

Life's about swimming to the top and dancing on the waves!


September 2015

Big Clumps of hair

Trentens pic

Last night I dreamt that my hair was falling out in big nasty clumps the size of a silver dollar or bigger.  I was at a Halloween dance and I pretended it was part of my costume, even to myself.  I left the party in a pickup truck and was driving home in the dark.  I was thinking and thinking about the awfulness of my problem and the corners on the road kept getting tighter and tighter and I was having a hard time keeping myself on the road.  Then I didn’t.  I came around a corner and just had a calmness about me as I missed the turn.  I knew I couldn’t stop it or control it.  In slow motion I tumbled off the road and through the air.  I thought to myself, “of course there’s no ditch”.  Down and down I went and crashed at the bottom.  I wasn’t thinking about my hair anymore.  I was thinking about the physical pain and wondering if my soul could live through it.  I went to school the next day but everything was so loud and I couldn’t understand the words anymore.  And I hurt everywhere.  My hair was completely gone and I’d let one of the ‘druggy’ Emo art students paint a kaleidoscope of 3 dimensional scenes where my hair used to be.  But I couldn’t stand all the noise and the chatter. I couldn’t stand all the people.  It was just to much work to be there.  I had to go where it was quiet.  I sat on the top of a hill and watched them playing down below, I looked up and saw the brightness that the world can be.  I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t sad.  I just was. And it was ok for now.

I think I may be tired of dealing with people this week.  And my youngest daughter’s hair has started falling out.  She called me last night to tell me she had three more bald spots.  It made my stomach hurt.  She has been diagnosed with Alopecia areata  It is an autoimmune disease; the person’s immune system attacks their own body. In this case, their hair follicles.  They don’t know why.  I think it scares me more than it does her.  She simply sweeps the rest of her thick dark hair over the big bald spots and bobby pins it.  Moves on with her day.  She has the ability to compartmentalize in a manner that probably saves her from going completely crazy from the stress she has in her life.  I do not have the same gift.  So I’m closer to crazy than I normally like to be.

In the big scheme of what can go wrong in this life its a little thing.  It will be ok.

My Aquarium on Wheels

My 3 year old/new car is possessed and has been back to the shop 3 times since I purchased it less than a month ago.  The worst of which is that it appears I have a running aquarium on four wheels.

First time it rained the water poured in from the emergency brake and soaked my left foot.    The ‘Service Department’, and I use air quotes here because I’m not sure which part of that terminology they even comprehend, wanted to send it home because A.) Water Leaks aren’t covered under the warranty and B.) There’s been a miracle of some kind and they can’t seem to find a leak and believe the car has healed thyself.

I have logged countless hours kindly negotiating the repairs, of which usually start and end with some Mediative Deep Breathing exercises so I can not go completely apeshit on these people.

I did fine when they stranded me at the local airport, for almost two hours, because they mistakenly thought that was where the rental car location was.  I did fine when I had to describe in painful detail where the water was coming into the car, to every confused person in the service department and then to my salesman and then to the financial manager and then to the owner of the dealership,  so that they could all agree how to approach the problem.  I did fine when I explained for the umpteenth time how the Air conditioner blasts you into the backseat when you least expect it.  I did fine when I explained that the car keeps telling me the gas cap is missing when it’s obviously not.  I patted myself on the back many times for my zen-like behavior.

Today, I did not do fine when the defensive and slightly patronizing service receptionist called to tell me that they couldn’t find any leak so they can’t fix what they can’t find and I can come get my car.   I was speechless.  For about 10 seconds.

“Really? You couldn’t find it?  Because I found it the first time water hit my car.  I told you exactly where it was coming in at?  Can we start there and trace the problem backwards maybe?   Have you tried running it through the car wash once or using a hose or taking it out of the shop and letting it sit in the rain for about ten fxxxxxx minutes?  I mean am I just supposed to bring it home and wait until it rains and then drive the hour back to your shop so I can show you?”

Her ridiculous answer to every question was;  “We can’t fix what we can’t find”.  Every time she said it I wished I had been standing at the counter in front of her so she could see that I had replaced my ‘everythings okayyyyy’ look with my eyebrows planted on the top of my head in what can only be described as the “ARE YOU Fxxxxxx kidding me look”.  It’s the look that makes my husband run to the garage.

So I called the Finance Manager of the car dealership.  We had a nice little chit chat.  An hour later the service department called to tell me they found the leak and I’m on the schedule to have it repaired.  Another miracle I believe.

Drive it like you stole it

Yesterday, the moon sent super rays to the earth and zapped me smack dab in the middle of my chest and I ended up with an anxiety attack so bad that poor husband thought I might be temporarily insane.  He was hoping it was temporary anyways.

I was fine.  Then I wasn’t.  Just like that.   I realized in the middle of sifting through the multiple client ‘To Do’ piles that I had a ridiculous amount of work errands in town and no vehicle.  My skype and phone was blowing up with ‘fires’ that needed put out, all of which required me to get in my invisible car and leave the house.  I lost my shit.

Unfortunately, Husband had just walked into my office when it happened and I somehow made it his fault that I left my ‘ride’ at the auto mechanic shop.  I screamed.  Then I cried.  Then I told him to fix it or I was going to lose my mind.

So he lets me drive his grandfathers truck, that he has spent 8 years tearing down and fixing up.


I’m not sure what in the hell is up with the motor,  but it has a whole lot more ‘get up and go’ than what I’m used to.

Zero to 60 with just a little tap of the foot.  I tried the top of the gas pedal and the bottom of the gas petal.  I took my shoe off and tried it barefoot.  No matter what I did, the second I got close to the gas petal it would shoot forward like I was in some kind of drag race.  I threw gravel and left skid marks at every stop sign in town.

Completely cracked me up every time.  I felt like a six year old who stole the family truck.

I later had a friend ask me, “What the hell?  Was that you that flew by the house in the white truck today?”  HAHA.  It only goes slow in neutral.  Seriously.  I’m lucky I made it home.

Reverse at 60mph is more than unsettling.  I nearly took out the flag pole at the post office, and briefly thought,  that with all the spinning out and laughing like a crazy woman I would get pulled over for a DUI.

From crazy freaking out screaming mad to crazy laughing and feeling like a teenager out tearing up the backroads.

Thank you Husband for changing my day!

I never did go back to the computer, I turned off my skype and phone and the world didn’t end.  It was perfect!

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