You were sickly and in a wheel chair. But then you were swept up on what started out as a zipline, flying between electrical wires that changed to a magic carpet twisting and turning through the sky that was filled with giant bright colored animals. I was worried you’d fall off. You could barely walk. I had to look away. I was walking down a road with all the people I knew and loved. I was looking for my sister. She was magnificently beautiful and I had heard she loved you too. I was afraid she’d take you from me. Afraid you’d love her more. I wanted to find her. Threaten her. Tell her to stop. Then you were there again. Walking beside us with a cigar in your mouth. Laughing and joking. Everyone’s attention was on you. Everyone loved you. You loved everyone. We rode on your wheel chair for awhile. Your arms around me and mine around you. Then you were gone. Off to visit and laugh and love with someone else. I was invisible. Watching everyone from far away. They were walking faster and faster. I wasn’t going to keep up. I was staying behind. I waved goodbye but everyone was moving forward, to something I couldn’t see yet. I felt sadness but not sadness.
My New Years resolution isn’t to manifest a career or a box of money on my front porch. It’s not to lose weight, regardless of the fact that I still need to. I’m not going to join a bookclub or the gym or start eating Vegan.
I’m going to do something I’ve never done before.
I’m going to allow the People that love me, to Love me.
I’m going to Nurture the friendships that make me feel good about being alive and being ME.
I will build myself a circle of Friends that allows me to express myself without shutting me down or off, encouraging relationships that are light and easy, filled with laughter and good talks. I believe they exist, we just have to allow them.
This will be my year of love and listening and long walks with the man in the Pink Hat.