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The Waters Deep

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Dreams

The story’s we tell

SnowThe story’s I tell myself are rarely the whole truth.   They come in strong, they feel real, but can change directions, like the winds at the edge of the ocean.

I believe the absolute truth of them until something shifts internally and I drift into another thought or belief pattern that has been there, waiting for me to see.  

Don’t set my words, thoughts and beliefs in concrete, because as I learn, grow & dream, they will change.

Today’s words don’t have to be the eternal truth.  They are just part of my story that I bring back from my Dreams.  The words are just bits and pieces of Now but not Everything.

In one story my parents are dead.  They are gone and can’t be touched ever again.  Ashes to Ashes.

Then in another story, the one where I close my eyes and drift into the unknown place, they are there laughing and telling me that everything is perfect and I’ll be all right.  They are fine.  I am fine.  I can touch my Mom in that story.  Feel her soft cheek against mine.  I can hear her say, “Oh honey” with so much love that I bring real tears, from that story, into the other.  I bring the Love too.  It’s not a word it’s a feeling.

Does a time and a place exist where this story is real?  Yes.  I just don’t have a label big enough for it.

The bad story’s.  They are fading farther and farther away.  I no longer want to tell them, to myself or to anyone else.  They no longer feel like they are a part of me.  I have let them go.  I have changed the script.  Because I can.

The Dreams are real.  Everything else is unpredictable & ever changing.

 

I dreamt about you last night

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You were sickly and in a wheel chair.  But then you were swept up on what started out as a zipline, flying between electrical wires that changed to a magic carpet twisting and turning through the sky that was filled with giant bright colored animals.  I was worried you’d fall off.  You could barely walk.  I had to look away.  I was walking down a road with all the people I knew and loved.  I was looking for my sister.  She was magnificently beautiful and I had heard she loved you too.  I was afraid she’d take you from me.  Afraid you’d love her more.  I wanted to find her.  Threaten her.  Tell her to stop.  Then you were there again.  Walking beside us with a cigar in your mouth.  Laughing and joking.  Everyone’s attention was on you.  Everyone loved you.  You loved everyone.  We rode on your wheel chair for awhile.  Your arms around me and mine around you.  Then you were gone.  Off to visit and laugh and love with someone else.  I was invisible.  Watching everyone from far away.  They were walking faster and faster.  I wasn’t going to keep up.  I was staying behind.  I waved goodbye but everyone was moving forward, to something I couldn’t see yet.  I felt sadness but not sadness.

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