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The Waters Deep

Life's about swimming to the top and dancing on the waves!

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humour

Dear Husband,

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Dear Adorable Husband,

I’m curious about something and don’t take this as a criticism, because its actually an attempt to understand you and the way you think.

When I asked you to ‘move’ the air mattress with the hole in it, why did it end up just five feet away by the front door?
I may be over processing this but these are a few of my thoughts as to why:
  1.  I said ‘move’ not ‘put away’ so we had a lack of communication.  Basically, I wasn’t clear enough, assuming you’d know that I didn’t just want it ‘moved’ a few feet away because I like it when things are ‘put away’.  (btw you can always assume the latter is my first choice).
  2.  You knew I meant ‘put away’ but didn’t want to so you stuck it by the door, out of my eyesight so you didn’t have to have an argument with me about why you didn’t want to ‘put it away’.  It’s interesting that you’d not play that tape forward after your previous, and similar,  experiences.
  3. You planned on really ‘putting it away’ LATER and forgot or got distracted.
  4. You have plans to find the airhole and will forget if you actually put it away so by the front door will remind you it needs done (much like the hot tub filter that sat on the deck until I ask for the 3rd time that you put it in a bucket of cleaner maybe?)
  5.  All of the above
I’m leaning towards #5
This also makes me question why the boards with the nails ended up on the patio table and on the patio floor (the throbbing hole in my foot, from the nail I stepped on that pierced through my flip-flop,  reminded me I was going to ask about this):
  1. You were on your way to the fire pit but got winded and decided to just leave them until later?
  2. You want to recycle the nails before they go in the fire pit and was kind enough to not leave them in the hallway?
  3. You’re not positive you want to throw them away so the table on the deck is a good spot to put them until you decide?
  4. You’re waiting until the pile is big enough to warrant a trip ALL the way to the firepit in the back yard?
  5. You hate me and you’re trying to make me lose my fucking mind with all of the piles you leave laying around the house because you don’t have ‘time’ to go another five feet to finish putting something where it goes?
I’m leaning towards #5
🙂  I appreciate your response.  I think it will make me feel better and understand you more and I can put the anti-freeze and rat poison back in the garage.
Love,
 Your Wife

Drive it like you stole it

Yesterday, the moon sent super rays to the earth and zapped me smack dab in the middle of my chest and I ended up with an anxiety attack so bad that poor husband thought I might be temporarily insane.  He was hoping it was temporary anyways.

I was fine.  Then I wasn’t.  Just like that.   I realized in the middle of sifting through the multiple client ‘To Do’ piles that I had a ridiculous amount of work errands in town and no vehicle.  My skype and phone was blowing up with ‘fires’ that needed put out, all of which required me to get in my invisible car and leave the house.  I lost my shit.

Unfortunately, Husband had just walked into my office when it happened and I somehow made it his fault that I left my ‘ride’ at the auto mechanic shop.  I screamed.  Then I cried.  Then I told him to fix it or I was going to lose my mind.

So he lets me drive his grandfathers truck, that he has spent 8 years tearing down and fixing up.

Truck

I’m not sure what in the hell is up with the motor,  but it has a whole lot more ‘get up and go’ than what I’m used to.

Zero to 60 with just a little tap of the foot.  I tried the top of the gas pedal and the bottom of the gas petal.  I took my shoe off and tried it barefoot.  No matter what I did, the second I got close to the gas petal it would shoot forward like I was in some kind of drag race.  I threw gravel and left skid marks at every stop sign in town.

Completely cracked me up every time.  I felt like a six year old who stole the family truck.

I later had a friend ask me, “What the hell?  Was that you that flew by the house in the white truck today?”  HAHA.  It only goes slow in neutral.  Seriously.  I’m lucky I made it home.

Reverse at 60mph is more than unsettling.  I nearly took out the flag pole at the post office, and briefly thought,  that with all the spinning out and laughing like a crazy woman I would get pulled over for a DUI.

From crazy freaking out screaming mad to crazy laughing and feeling like a teenager out tearing up the backroads.

Thank you Husband for changing my day!

I never did go back to the computer, I turned off my skype and phone and the world didn’t end.  It was perfect!

Youniquely Insane

I’ve lost my mind with this stuff.

Note:  Longer is not always better.

Younique 3 Before and After

My little ‘Younique Problem’ started when I convinced myself that I was dying of liver disease and must experience everything wonderful in the world.  I now have a $7,000.00 credit card to pay off.  Not all Younique and Arbonne, but a good chunk of it is.

Husband came home and sheepishly says,”Hey baby, I bought a riding lawn mower”.  And I replied with, “Oh thank God.  I bought a box of Younique Makeup, we are even now”.

My review of the Younique line is not wholly based on the spidy eyeball shown above.  I do like the product and of course didn’t just order a few things from a friend.  I signed up to jump on board the Pyramid train and sell sell sell.  My Facebook Feed has not been the same since.  It’s deluged with hundreds of beautiful women rolling on their faces and becoming caricatures of what they once were.

It their defense;  When you have an entire line of foundations, powders, lotions and hundreds of eyeshadows … it can happen.  None of the colors really stand on their own.  You have to mix and match to get anything close to your skin tone.  It’s a science project best completed after the morning pot of coffee and not a second before.

The mascara is wonderful if you are willing to buy the $20 makeup remover pads to get it off.  A person might just want to have a pack of this stuff around anyway, as it removes permanent marker.  From your face.  Which should happen never.

It is also Gluten Free.  I have yet to understand why this might be important for something you don’t plan on eating.  Apparently, it is. Every morning my Facebook Feed confirms it.  Multiple times.

Completely unrelated to Gluten Free Makeup;

How to Become Gluten Intolerant (Funny) – Ultra Spiritual Life episode 1… (I may need less coffee… he made me laugh until I was shaking.  Wait.  Hmmm.  Yes, it may be the coffee.  I was getting ready for Makeup Call).

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