Relationships are complicated
For me, None more than this one
With one hand you held on tightly
with the other, you shoved me away
Confusion, Hurt, Anger, Love, Fear
They all became one emotion
Tangled up so deeply I couldn’t see the difference
Your demons and pain took you on a dark opiate-laced path
I watched you slowly die for 15 years
That last day, when you said that you loved me
Almost erased all the other times when you didn’t
You said that you were sorry
And I forgave you
Now I need to forgive me
I need to untangle all the feelings
The anger is gone, in its place is a deep sadness
The finality of death, is shocking
We ran out of time
I wish you were here
So I could tell you everything I’ve learned since you died.
There’s so much.
I love you Mom.
Everything you taught me or didn’t teach me
Became a part of who I am.
And I love that. I love me. All of the bits and parts and pieces.
That’s what I would tell you.
Thank you for it all.
I love who I became because of your journey and then mine.