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The Waters Deep

Life's about swimming to the top and dancing on the waves!

Taking my feet to better places

GoldBug Feet Pic

Leaving the couch and TV behind and taking my feet to better places.

Getting out of my head and into Nature.

Letting go of Fear!

The Man in the Pink Hat

 

The man in the Pink Hat

My New Years resolution isn’t to manifest a career or a box of money on my front porch.  It’s not to lose weight, regardless of the fact that I still need to. I’m not going to join a bookclub or the gym or start eating Vegan.

I’m going to do something I’ve never done before.

I’m going to allow the People that love me,  to Love me.

I’m going to Nurture the friendships that make me feel good about being alive and being ME.

I will build myself a circle of Friends that allows me to express myself without shutting me down or off, encouraging relationships that are light and easy, filled with laughter and good talks.  I believe they  exist, we just have to allow them to.

My year of love and listening and long walks with the man in the Pink Hat.

 

“Let go” said the Earth, and the trees let out their breath.

IMG_0459

 

Big Clumps of hair

Trentens pic

Last night I dreamt that my hair was falling out in big nasty clumps the size of a silver dollar or bigger.  I was at a Halloween dance and I pretended it was part of my costume, even to myself.  I left the party in a pickup truck and was driving home in the dark.  I was thinking and thinking about the awfulness of my problem and the corners on the road kept getting tighter and tighter and I was having a hard time keeping myself on the road.  Then I didn’t.  I came around a corner and just had a calmness about me as I missed the turn.  I knew I couldn’t stop it or control it.  In slow motion I tumbled off the road and through the air.  I thought to myself, “of course there’s no ditch”.  Down and down I went and crashed at the bottom.  I wasn’t thinking about my hair anymore.  I was thinking about the physical pain and wondering if my soul could live through it.  I went to school the next day but everything was so loud and I couldn’t understand the words anymore.  And I hurt everywhere.  My hair was completely gone and I’d let one of the ‘druggy’ Emo art students paint a kaleidoscope of 3 dimensional scenes where my hair used to be.  But I couldn’t stand all the noise and the chatter. I couldn’t stand all the people.  It was just to much work to be there.  I had to go where it was quiet.  I sat on the top of a hill and watched them playing down below, I looked up and saw the brightness that the world can be.  I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t sad.  I just was. And it was ok for now.

I think I may be tired of dealing with people this week.  And my youngest daughter’s hair has started falling out.  She called me last night to tell me she had three more bald spots.  It made my stomach hurt.   I think it scares me more than it does her.  She simply sweeps the rest of her thick dark hair over the big bald spots and bobby pins it.  Moves on with her day.  She has the ability to compartmentalize in a manner that probably saves her from going completely crazy from the stress she has in her life.  I do not have the same gift.  So I’m closer to crazy than I normally like to be.

 

Broccoli is for Trees Grammy

My 3 year old Granddaughter and I playing alphabet flash cards:

HER: “You be the baby and I’ll be the mommy”.  She holds a card up and says, “A is forrrrrrrr?” Looking at me sternly… Eyebrows raised almost to hairline level, lips pursed,  hand high on her waist, elbow jutting out.
ME: Trying to not laugh, pretending to think hard, “Apple”
HER: “Good job! I knew you could do it. Your so smart!! Hi five baby!  Apples are good because they aren’t green. But Green is for Grass and broccoli is for trees and why do you eat grass and trees all the time grammy and Is ‘B’ for Broccoli or Trees because broccoli is gross?”

HaHa… she’s been watching what I eat but isn’t so impressed.

Zoe

 

 

 

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