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The Waters Deep

Life's about swimming to the top and dancing on the waves!

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Ya’ Me

Ramblings About Me

You can’t pray it away

Old deserted House

So My mother is not dead.  I thought she was when I first walked in.   Slumped over in the frame of the chair, her body motionless and grey.  Empty like a dilapidated building that once was filled with Life.  Where beauty still lingered but only because of Memories that you imagine might have happened there once.

 It strangely hurt my heart more than I had prepared myself for it to hurt (all these years of saying goodbye).  That’s knowledge that will be good for me to have. 

Almost 20 years watching her and my father destroying their lives and our family with Prescription Pills and Alcohol.  Each overdose somehow coming as a surprise.  It’s been ‘Food Poisoning’, ‘A stroke’, ‘The Flu’,  a multitude of ailments that we all know aren’t real but no one had the energy to call out.  Again.

I’ve felt like I was standing in some kind of Fog or Mist Horror Story, where no one was willing to admit there was a Monster lurking.  Only me.  Every time I screamed ‘Monster’ another member of the family would disown me.  How dare I be so disrespectful.  Those are ‘good’ people.  ‘Great Friends’.  God Bless them and we’ll pray for them.

They lived in a beautiful perfect home that could have been put together by Martha Stewart herself.  Not anymore.  The money is gone.  Not even enough to finish the small cabin in the woods they are trying to build.  Sleeping on a mattress without sheets and sitting on camp chairs by the woodstove, which is their only source of heat.  Walls and ceiling half finished.  A pantry full of canned Pork & Beans and soup.  A refrigerator full of nothing but beer and wine, no real food.  A washing machine full of folded clothes and shoes, because at some point there was major confusion on how to do a load of laundry.

Picture perfect Christians.  Only their children and spouses & grandchildren saw behind that curtain.  We talked about it in secret, when no one else was listening.  Because they had all seen the reactions from the Non-Believers when we allowed the Elephant out.  No one wanted to clean up that mess.  In fairness maybe no one knew how.  Us girls, their kids, sure could have used some help all these years.

You don’t pray away an Opioid & Alcohol addiction.  You don’t sober them up with coffee and a couple AA meetings, or apparently 22 years of them either.  That Monster just lingers in the Mist waiting for the door to be opened.  Waiting for its friend Death to join him at the Party.

This time though, it brought me and my sisters into a room, together, for the first time in 20 years and we all were in agreement on how to proceed.  We left the elephant back at the shack.  We locked arms around the Tree of Life and we talked about being Sisters and we imagined what that might mean now.

We had an amazing shift, where Love was shared.  THAT was a beautiful and unexpected gift.

January 20, 2017

Beetle Juice…. Beetle Juice….  Beetle Juice.

Oh, if only that were a choice … instead.

2016 done and DONE….

II

Most of my family and friends are elated and are celebrating ‘that person’ who will become the next President.  I can’t even say his name.

I watch his cabinet picks.  It’s like we are living in Opposites World.

I listen to his ‘campaign manager’ divert every question and never actually answer a question and I am disgusted.  This might be the norm.  I’m not sure.  Normally I avoid politics.  But unfortunately,  for my husband, this year was different.

It seems that there is nothing ‘that person’  does that will make the ‘Obama/Democrat/Liberal’ haters acknowledge wrong doing.

This is where our country is at.  The consensus is that NOTHING he says or does is worse than anything ‘They do’ or have done

So we tolerate his lies, his childish tweets and his  Bullying.

But Republicans won the Senate so it’s all worth it right.???

Just to be clear.  I am not an Obama Lover or a Hillary Lover nor am I a Liberal.   I don’t affiliate with any party.  For many reasons.  First, Politicians lie.  Second, I find bits and pieces of all parties to be beneficial.

I love the United States of America but I am currently ashamed of the behavior of a large majority of the people who live here.  I am ashamed that we have elected  … ‘that person’…. to be our next President.   He can’t even finish a full sentence without the same repetitive adjectives.  I’m not sure he’s ever uttered a complete sentence.

How does this affect me personally?

Besides the obvious world issues where I think he’s going to create major chaos in, chaos that his supporters are also going to feel, I’m struggling with being friends with people who are not only ok and accepting his awful behavior but are compelled to defend him and vilify anyone who dares to stand up and call him out.

This election has sadly made me realize just how un-aligned I am in heart beliefs  with so many people that I am close to.  Thoughts and beliefs have been expressed that I didn’t even know existed.

Truth revealed that can not be unseen.

To all people and to my children and grand children I say this:   Raise the Bar.  Don’t accept disrespectful bullies ever.  No matter what position of authority they are in.   Best Friend,  Casual Friend, boyfriend, parent, spouse, teacher, principal, congressmen, senator OR the President of the United States.  Don’t accept it in your private life and don’t accept it in your public life.  Use any platform you have to denounce this kind of behavior.

PRESIDENT TRUMP …

Great Perspective! We really must pull ourselves together! All of us.

Hope

Serene and beautiful places make me grateful to be alive. 

My wish is that every person on this planet should experience moments such as these.  

Filled with Peace and Love and the very greatness that our Earth has to offer. 

I am thankful for another day and yet filled with heartbreaking sorrow for those that have needlessly lost that.  

Hoping that, through tragedy, the world will find a common ground and a connection of Love. 

Today. Tomorrow. Be kind. Find peace.  Remain Hopeful. 

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