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The Waters Deep

Life's about swimming to the top and dancing on the waves!

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2016 done and DONE….

II

Most of my family and friends are elated and are celebrating ‘that person’ who will become the next President.  I can’t even say his name.

I watch his cabinet picks.  It’s like we are living in Opposites World.

I listen to his ‘campaign manager’ divert every question and never actually answer a question and I am disgusted.  This might be the norm.  I’m not sure.  Normally I avoid politics.  But unfortunately,  for my husband, this year was different.

It seems that there is nothing ‘that person’  does that will make the ‘Obama/Democrat/Liberal’ haters acknowledge wrong doing.

This is where our country is at.  The consensus is that NOTHING he says or does is worse than anything ‘They do’ or have done

So we tolerate his lies, his childish tweets and his  Bullying.

But Republicans won the Senate so it’s all worth it right.???

Just to be clear.  I am not an Obama Lover or a Hillary Lover nor am I a Liberal.   I don’t affiliate with any party.  For many reasons.  First, Politicians lie.  Second, I find bits and pieces of all parties to be beneficial.

I love the United States of America but I am currently ashamed of the behavior of a large majority of the people who live here.  I am ashamed that we have elected  … ‘that person’…. to be our next President.   He can’t even finish a full sentence without the same repetitive adjectives.  I’m not sure he’s ever uttered a complete sentence.

How does this affect me personally?

Besides the obvious world issues where I think he’s going to create major chaos in, chaos that his supporters are also going to feel, I’m struggling with being friends with people who are not only ok and accepting his awful behavior but are compelled to defend him and vilify anyone who dares to stand up and call him out.

This election has sadly made me realize just how un-aligned I am in heart beliefs  with so many people that I am close to.  Thoughts and beliefs have been expressed that I didn’t even know existed.

Truth revealed that can not be unseen.

To all people and to my children and grand children I say this:   Raise the Bar.  Don’t accept disrespectful bullies ever.  No matter what position of authority they are in.   Best Friend,  Casual Friend, boyfriend, parent, spouse, teacher, principal, congressmen, senator OR the President of the United States.  Don’t accept it in your private life and don’t accept it in your public life.  Use any platform you have to denounce this kind of behavior.

The Bandaid has been ripped off!

And it hurt.

 

Like millions of Americans I watched the election with enough anxiety to wipe out a country.  I wasn’t going to vote.  I’ve never voted.  I live in a state where the vote for President barely counts.  But as I saw the numbers leaning towards trump I threw on my shoes and raced to the polls.  I was the last and only one there.  They were folding up chairs and putting away the coffee and donuts.  Yes, in my little town,  we get coffee and donuts when we vote.

I voted for Hillary.  Thinking maybe my ONE vote would change the world.  Yeah.

I’m embarrassed to say that I have been so obsessed with the Presidential Election that I didn’t have a clue there’d be so many local people to vote for.  It ignorantly didn’t even occur to me to be informed.   So I voted every other.  Give both parties a chance.  Democrat.  Then Republican. If I was going to vote blindly, I at least wanted to be fair.

And I voted to legalize marijuana.  That just seemed like good timing.

Went home and slapped my ‘I voted’ sticker on a bottle of wine and drank.  Stunned.  Like just about everyone.  Sick to my stomach with the knowledge that our world that we live in has just flipped itself upside down.  Some may be happy about that, but myself, I really liked the fantasy of a classy President and Family.  One that hasn’t boasted about grabbing women by their …. well, you know and without their consent (this seems like an important point).

That said.  Unless the moon falls out of the sky, he is going to be the President.  I think we can handle it.  I’ve been in BAD relationships that lasted longer than four years and survived.

Facebook.  That’s another story.  I’m not sure I can survive Facebook and the cruel awful generalized judgements and blanket statements that are being hurled back and forth between all sides.  Losers and Winners.  GAH.  STOP.  I can’t believe I’m saying this but I miss the good ‘ole days of Selfies and Recipe posts.

People be kind!!  Raise the bar a little.

Trumps  campaign caused people to fear each other, provoking anger and division where there was once the beginnings of love and peace but now he has an opportunity to change that.  And I hope he does.  Maybe the Whitehouse will make him a better man.  Everyone deserves the chance to change.

I hope I reread this post in a couple of years and am given the chance to eat my words.  I hope he really is Great.  For America and all its People I Pray he really is Great.

Inhale.  Exhale.  It’s all good.

inhale

 

 

Pandora’s Box

cropped-baby2.jpgI sat at a restaurant and listened to a family member vomit racist comments until I was banging my head on the table and begging her to stop.  We were discussing the election.

This election feels like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

A Pandora’s box has been opened.  Will there be hope left after its closed?  There has to be.

Have we changed or have  these thoughts and feelings been lurking just under the surface, of so many people we know and love, and are now bursting forth in the form of offensive meme’s and hateful comments on social media?  I think both.

Fear.  That fire has been fanned and encouraged.

America won’t be made greater with more hate and venom.

America will be made greater with empathy and love.

THAT and a little less late night sharing on Twitter.

 

 

Unconditional Love~thats what its all about!

There is a moment in life where we choose what kind of human we are going to be.  Some of us do it consciously and some don’t.

Over the years I’ve started to choose who I want to be based on consequences from past choices and the Legacy I want to leave behind.  As I grow older its not been that difficult since the consequences come rapidly and I’m able to make the connection fairly quickly.  Choices.  Consequences.  Bamm.  See where you went wrong, make a note for future.

In my twenty’s I was an enthusiastic and very self righteous judgmental Lutheran.   I’m not saying all Lutherans are that way.  But I was.

I also belonged to a women’s supposedly non-denomination bible study called  Bible Study Fellowship, that preached love to all Christian religions but quietly had their own set of Strict Doctrine.  As a Leader we had to exemplify perfection.  They told us how to pray.  They told us how to dress.  No divorces.  No drinking.  No inappropriate clothing.  Near Perfection.  It was exhausting, but I went all out and did what I could to help family and friends be perfect as well.  I was awesome like that.  Oh, the ignorance and ego of my young self.

The consequences of that self-righteous judgement  was brought home to me when we were cleaning out my Grandmothers home when she died.   On the table, by her bed, was a worn out and much read letter from me.  I was at first honored that she would have a letter from me that she obviously kept so close to her.

And then I read it.  And then I wept with guilt.  I remembered writing it and feeling so full of indignation that she was living a lifestyle of such debauchery.  Multiple boyfriends, dancing and partying, smoking and drinking.  I felt it was my right as her granddaughter to set her on the path to God and Perfection.

My harsh words of condemnation that she read over and over and over again were the last thing she got from me and I can only imagine how she felt each time she read them.

That Moment.  Choices and Words that I could never take back changed my life forever.

Twenty-some years later, I look back and remember feeling a ‘shift’ towards a different thought pattern and belief system.

She comes to visit me in my dreams.  I tell her I love her.  Just that.  Because that is what its about, this life.  Love.  Unconditional Non-judgmental Love.

What a beautiful world it would be if we could all embrace each other, hold hands, and love the differences that we are.

The Fear of Loss

No matter what happens around me, or to me, as long as I am alive enough to see the sun and the moon rising I can still grow and love and life is amazing regardless of Loss.


This week I stood, once again, over a hospital bed watching a family member recover from an over indulgence of Doctor Prescribed Medication and Budweiser.  Her face a puffy caricature of the  beautiful high cheek boned person I knew.   Once perfect lips dry and cracked and almost undetectable except for the tongue that keeps darting out as she tries to form what I can only guess are words, a hopelessly failed attempt to convince the doctor she has Food Poisoning.  Her eyes yellowed and blood shot, an obvious cry of help from a Liver that seems almost ready to take a permanent vacation from a body that has become way to much work to maintain.  Nicotine stained fingers tinged with a hint of blue, her lungs are not awake enough to take in air but not dead enough to completely stop.

I just want to go home.

I stand there looking at her husband, who is studying the lines on the floor as if they are going to give him the secret answer to the Universe and think, “You watch her sober up or die.  Not me.  You are the one lying to the doctors.  You know the Truth.  Why will you not share it?”  He catches me staring and I see Fear.  It has rendered him speechless.  I want to slap him.

So I walk to the nurses station and tell them her real story.  The truth that she has been struggling with prescription drug addiction for 15+ years.

Plenty of Fluids later and she has recovered miraculously from ‘Food Poisoning’.  They are going to walk her and then she will be released.  It’s no longer an emergency.  This time I don’t beg the doctor to send her to rehab.  I’m not angry.  I’m not really anything except tired.

The next day we have our ‘day after’ talk where I tell her she’s going to die and ask if that’s the Legacy she wishes to leave behind.  I remind her that her mother died from a cocktail of alcohol and pills.  She cries.  She tells me she’s sorry and it won’t happen again.

It’s the same as always. The only difference this time is that I have let go of the Fear of losing her.  I have let go of the responsibility to try to make her sober.  I have let go.

I hug her like it might be the last time I ever see her, because it might.  I look into her hungover eyes and will her to understand that she is loved.

I walk away without any Fear of Loss and I walk back to my life where the birds are chirping, bees are buzzing, my dog is farting, my kids are calling and my husband is hammering on something in the kitchen.

No loss, except my own life, will kill me.  There is Freedom in that Truth.

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