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The Waters Deep

Life's about swimming to the top and dancing on the waves!

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My Life

Unconditional Love~thats what its all about!

There is a moment in life where we choose what kind of human we are going to be.  Some of us do it consciously and some don’t.

Over the years I’ve started to choose who I want to be based on consequences from past choices and the Legacy I want to leave behind.  As I grow older its not been that difficult since the consequences come rapidly and I’m able to make the connection fairly quickly.  Choices.  Consequences.  Bamm.  See where you went wrong, make a note for future.

In my twenty’s I was an enthusiastic and very self righteous judgmental Lutheran.   I’m not saying all Lutherans are that way.  But I was.

I also belonged to a women’s supposedly non-denomination bible study called  Bible Study Fellowship, that preached love to all Christian religions but quietly had their own set of Strict Doctrine.  As a Leader we had to exemplify perfection.  They told us how to pray.  They told us how to dress.  No divorces.  No drinking.  No inappropriate clothing.  Near Perfection.  It was exhausting, but I went all out and did what I could to help family and friends be perfect as well.  I was awesome like that.  Oh, the ignorance and ego of my young self.

The consequences of that self-righteous judgement  was brought home to me when we were cleaning out my Grandmothers home when she died.   On the table, by her bed, was a worn out and much read letter from me.  I was at first honored that she would have a letter from me that she obviously kept so close to her.

And then I read it.  And then I wept with guilt.  I remembered writing it and feeling so full of indignation that she was living a lifestyle of such debauchery.  Multiple boyfriends, dancing and partying, smoking and drinking.  I felt it was my right as her granddaughter to set her on the path to God and Perfection.

My harsh words of condemnation that she read over and over and over again were the last thing she got from me and I can only imagine how she felt each time she read them.

That Moment.  Choices and Words that I could never take back changed my life forever.

Twenty-some years later, I look back and remember feeling a ‘shift’ towards a different thought pattern and belief system.

She comes to visit me in my dreams.  I tell her I love her.  Just that.  Because that is what its about, this life.  Love.  Unconditional Non-judgmental Love.

What a beautiful world it would be if we could all embrace each other, hold hands, and love the differences that we are.

Broccoli is for Trees Grammy

My 3 year old Granddaughter and I playing alphabet flash cards:

HER: “You be the baby and I’ll be the mommy”.  She holds a card up and says, “A is forrrrrrrr?” Looking at me sternly… Eyebrows raised almost to hairline level, lips pursed,  hand high on her waist, elbow jutting out.
ME: Trying to not laugh, pretending to think hard, “Apple”
HER: “Good job! I knew you could do it. Your so smart!! Hi five baby!  Apples are good because they aren’t green. But Green is for Grass and broccoli is for trees and why do you eat grass and trees all the time grammy and Is ‘B’ for Broccoli or Trees because broccoli is gross?”

HaHa… she’s been watching what I eat but isn’t so impressed.

Zoe

 

 

 

Rewards of creating new Lifestyle

Blood tests back today.

Two months of eating and drinking ‘mostly’ happy liver foods and I couldn’t be more relieved and encouraged to continue down this path to keep losing weight, eating Green and Whole and eliminating sugars & processed anything.    Next step is to get MOVING with the two stick things I usually have curled under me!

If I could give just ONE recommendation to anyone who is still on the fence about a healthier Lifestyle;  have your doctor run a few blood tests, do a few scans and basically scare the holy living crap right out of you.  Apparently, its the language I speak.

 

 

Enzymes

6/15/2015: AST – 120   ALT – 151

8/17/2015: AST – 27   to ALT – 40

(Goal AST – 34 / ALT 50)

 

Blood Pressure:

6/15/2015:   135/90

8/17/2015:   118/70 J

(Goal 120/75 or less)

 

Weight Loss:

6/15/2015:   214lbs J

8/17/2015:   204lbs

(Goal 165)

 

Glucose:

113  still 113   L

(Goal is 70-100)

 

 

The thing about dying

 

A young life gone and left are two daughters who’ll grow up not knowing what it’s like to be loved by the man who’s blood runs through their veins.

A young mother who will hopefully make a good choice for the next ‘Father’ she’ll bring into their lives,  because he’ll be the foundation of future relationships with all men.

Does he  see the miraculous sunsets every night or is he a part of them now?  Was it God’s plan that he die in his 20’s or death by stupid human error and ego, the latter of which we are all guilty of.
Ocean

 

 

 

 

 

The thing about dying.  We either get to know it all or we end up knowing nothing.

 

 

I am not the Biggest Loser

Six weeks and I’ve only lost 10lbs.

I won’t be winning ‘The Biggest Loser’ competition,  but I feel like I’m slowly making little changes, one meal at a time.

I have yet to quell the desire to dive into a bag of freezer burned chocolate chips or a bottle of wine and must ask myself, “WHY NOT DUMBASS?  IT’S GOING TO KILL YOU!”

I have blood tests in five days and I’m freaking out a little but will NOT reschedule again!

I’m going to Epic my way through the next five days.  I CAN do this!

 

I dreamt last night that I went to live in a big giant house with lots of rooms.  Husband was with me.  I had my arms looped through his.  We were walking down a long hallway, trying to find the kitchen, when a man walked right through us.  I thought, “that was weird”.  Then a little girl did the same thing.  They didn’t even see us.  Then there was a woman and I noticed that I could see right through her.  She looked at me and I screamed, “I’m not afraid of you”.  There were ghosts everywhere and they were talking to me.  They all wanted jobs.  The house was big and they thought we should turn it into a hotel retreat with an organic garden and fly fishing.  I couldn’t figure out how I was going to teach the ghost’s to communicate with the guests.  It was going to be a problem.  My daughters showed up to see the new house and the only one who would talk to me was my three year old granddaughter.  She was full of questions and told me she loved me and I was her best friend.  Her mother kept telling her to stop it.  I was getting mad and frustrated because they wouldn’t let her talk to me.  They look at Husband and tell him to come with them, they want to see the gardens.  They start to leave and I’m screaming and screaming for them to stop.  The woman ghost looks at me and I hear her thinking, “They can’t see us”.  And I know.  I’m so sad. 

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